


Where Fools Rush In

by ThanksForTheVenom



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Deaf Clint Barton, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 08:22:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2844398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThanksForTheVenom/pseuds/ThanksForTheVenom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint! Tony! Fake Dating! Nothing could possibly go wrong! (For Tumblr User: pushthequorumbutton)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Fools Rush In

Tony straightened his tie and swiped a hand through his hair. On a scale of one to “I’m about to fly a nuke into a wormhole” this plan was a solid seven, meaning basically unsalvageable. The only upside was the fact that his partner was Clint and Clint was hilarious. He was also magnetically attracted to dumpsters for some reason, so the night wasn’t going to be a complete disaster. In fact, the only way it could have been better was if it wasn’t a business function, because business functions were just the worst. 

After Cap and Natasha had exposed how deep HYDRA ran in SHIELD, Tony had taken a look at his own stockholders. Lo and behold, HYDRA had gotten it’s weird Skull with Octo-arms buried deep within Stark Industries. Pepper had convinced him against going “scorched earth” with his entire company, but had okay’ed the extensive rousting that they were going ahead with tonight. This function would provide the last bit of data that they needed to expunge the entirety of HYDRA from Tony’s company.

Perfect and pretty Pepper, who was now lounging around California, running his company, and marrying Happy. Tony scowled at his reflection, as he fixed his tie, and banished those bitter thoughts. Pepper was finally happy in a way that Tony could never and would never be able to make her. She had the stability she craved, and she was hands down one of the most powerful people on the planet. Tony couldn’t begrudge her that, not after they had both tried so hard to make it work between them. However, Tony was Iron Man, and Iron Man was Tony. Nothing could change that, not even heart surgery.

His phone buzzed. 

Clint - coming up in a sec got u flowers u lik daisys rite  
Tony - wtf  
Clint - gotta make it look gud 4 paps  
Tony - fml

When Tony started planning out this mission with Bruce and Cap, the fact that he wanted to go dateless had come under fire. Tony had wanted to go alone, all the better to nurse his stupid broken heart, and honestly, they were able to pull an arc reactor plus shrapnel out of his chest, but couldn't fix his broken heart? What kind of bullshit was that? Tony made a note to scientifically heal his stupid emotions.

Cap had vetoed the “dateless” plan, citing Tony’s past history of never having been dateless in his life, even when he was a pimply twelve year old, and who let Cap that far back into the archives? Tony needed to have a date to make everything look as normal as possible. 

Tony nominated Bruce and was immediately shot down due to Bruce’s extreme case of social anxiety. Cap and Natasha were both out, as everyone knew their faces, as well as the fact that Natasha was out of the country and Cap wasn’t a huge fan of modern dance clubs. 

After conferencing with Natasha, Clint was nominated next and when no one had any immediate misgivings, Tony called him. 

Clint showed up the next day, followed by an irritated Natasha. Clint had left his hearing aids back at his farm in Iowa, and had been blasting Taylor Swift’s   
on repeat for the last hour. 

Natasha left, bound for whereabouts unknown.

Clint also didn’t own a cell phone until Tony slapped one into his hand. 

Still, he wasn’t bad on the eyes, and Natasha said he cleaned up pretty good, so Tony had gotten the go ahead from Pepper and they hashed out the last of the details.

Clint pounded on the door, loud enough to wake the dead, and severely tick off JARVIS. 

Tony opened the door to the sight of Clint grinning over a bouquet of Daisies, that motherfucker had actually gone out a bought flowers for their fake-date. It was sweet, and slightly annoying as everyone knew Tony hated all things to do with nature. Obviously, nature was trying to kill him, by way of overwhelming his immune system. He frowned at the flowers, and vowed his revenge.

Clint was still wearing his shit-eating grin as he held them out, “They’re for you, babe.”

Tony placed them in a vase that was worth as much as a small house. He turned back to Clint and signed -Looks good, you ready?-

Clint raised one eyebrow, -When did you learn sign?-

-Oh, last night.-

Clint laughed, “Well, maybe this won’t be such a bad date after all.”

“I’ll have you know, Clinton, that I am an excellent date,” Tony said.

“Yeah, no, don’t call me, Clinton, bro,” Clint wrinkled his nose in disgust.

The party was being held in one of the newest, premier clubs in Upper Manhattan. Lots of people, lots of noise, lots of booze. Tony coddled his first drink, long since warm. If anyone had noticed that he wasn’t imbibing as much as he usually would no one had said anything. His drinking problems were well documented in the press, and no one would fault him for trying to keep a handle on his sobriety. This was the first time he’d been out in months.

Tony Stark, New York’s newest recluse, only went out as Iron Man now. 

Tony threw the drink back, and grimaced at the taste. He was out here now, with Clint even, who had made quite a splash with the paps when they had arrived arm-in-arm. 

Clint was in the process of trying to out drink every person in the club, as he drank what must've been his fifth or sixth drink. Tony tried to keep a lid on his jealousy, at least someone was enjoying himself.

Clint draped himself across Tony back, all roving hands and remarkably sober words, “Look alive, sunshine, We’ve got company.”

Tony whispered into his ear, “Where?”

“Check your three. Two suits. Your six, two more.” Clint whispered back, making it look like he was spilling sweet nothings into Tony’s ear. Tony played along, making it look good for the surreptitious glances and the not so subtle camera phones.

Clint continued, “We’ve been made, dunno how, but just keep it going. If you die, Cap will be so disappointed in me.”

Tony couldn’t help but scoff at that, “Okay, but what why am I dying? I’m actually not as useless out of the suit as you guys seem to think.”

Clint tapped his chest, where the scar tissue was still healing from the surgery, “You’re compromised. Maybe you won’t always be, but I’ve seen the x-rays. You had diminished lung capacity while the arc reactor was in your chest, and I’m assuming it’s gotten better. You just had your chest opened, for the second time.” He tapped Tony’s chest again, “Even you have to admit, that you aren’t up for too many heroics.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at Clint, “You have a point, and we’re going to talk about how you saw those x-rays later.”

The suits reached them, and pushed them towards on of the side doors.

Clint put the slur back in his words, and they were going to talk about that later too. “Hey now, fellas, what’s the problem?”

Of course, they got no response. These henchmen were very good at henching. Clint and Tony were shoved into a room the size of a large closet, and the door was locked behind them.

Clint slumped against a wall, still affecting the drunken slouch he had obviously perfected at some point in his life. He pulled Tony close to him, tucked his head against Tony’s shoulder, and whispered, “The room is probably surveilled and I’m not super thrilled that they just shoved us in here. You’re Iron Man, what’s their game?”

Tony put his arm around Clint’s waist. If that’s the way Clint wanted to play this, then that was the way that Tony was going to play it; and no one played this game better than Tony. He shifted his leg between Clint’s and grinned when Clint’s head fell back against the wall.

“How many cameras,” he whispered into Clint’s ear. 

Clint took a quick glance around, “Only the one in the corner. What’ve you got on you?”

Tony continued to slide his hand’s up Clint’s back, and caught one of Clint’s hands in his. He passed him the small device. “Just this. You have one shot, then we need to get out and get out fast.”

Clint grinned, “One shot is all I need.”

Tony nipped at his jawline, “I’m going to duck in two seconds, throw it, then cover your eyes.”

Tony dropped to the floor, and covered his head with his arms. Clint dropped next to him, and a wave of heat washed over them, and was gone. Tony popped back up, and ran for the door. “Let’s go, Boy Wonder! That pulse isn’t going to last too long.” 

Tony bolted down the hallway, with Clint hot on his heels. They had just made it out the door when the alarm began to sound. 

“So, I guess that takes care of the question of: HYDRA or not?” Clint started laughing, full body laughs even as he ran down the sidewalk next to Tony, looking for all the world like a teenager who’d been caught shoplifting from the corner store. Tony was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to toss him on a bed, and kiss the laugh out of his mouth. 

That’s new, Tony thought to himself. 

They turned into an alleyway, and caught their breath.

“Look, I’d like to do this again, but for real this time,” Clint said, between gasps and laughter.

“Wait. What? The escape thing? Because I gotta tell you, but that was all real.”

“Not that.” Clint rolled his eyes to the heavens, asking for strength from whatever gods prevailed, “He’s actually going to make me say it.” He looked down at his hands and shook his head. -Will you go out with me on a for real actual date?-

Tony pulled him close and pressed a chaste kiss against Clint’s lips. “Can I get to second base?”

And Clint was once again laughing with his whole body, his head thrown back to the sky.


End file.
